Sated's Guide to: Deathbringer Saurfang

Ok guys. Here it is. Before you tear me to pieces, I realize the quality of this video is questionable--apparently my macbook isn't powerful enough to run wow, vent, safari and capture video at the same time.
The next one will be better. Oh-- and I know I probably sound like a douche; I improv'd the whole voice over at 2 am this morning....so cut me some slack =p

Raiding.

Last night, after sending 2 groups into ICC10, there were a few in Sated that were left out of the action. I even saw a few statements in g-chat that posed the question: how do I get a raid invite?

Let me preface by saying, I hate leaving people behind. It sucks. I know it. But, unfortunately, I can't control who no-shows, and I can't regulate how many we have on, on any given raid night. What I can do, is offer up vent space, resources, strats, friends from my friends lists etc, to help the odd numbered out players, if they wish to get a group going. In the realm of 10 mans, this is what we got.

That being said, as we have more and more log on for 25's, eventually the officers and I will assess the player base that we have, and create a CORE 25 consisting of the best raid configuration possible.

You want an invite?

Here it is as blunt as I can be:

• First spots are reserved for Officers. Not only becuase they are consistently on, helping guildies, working their asses off to ensure we have flasks, chants, gems, mats, etc. But also because they know how to get the job done. And in the end, being able to execute is key.
• You need to be the best in your class. And by this, I don't just mean beating up recount. I mean, knowing what's going on with your class, being able to execute multiple, prioritized- objectives, correctly gemming and enchanting your gear, being able to take initiative and pick up slack if needed.
• You need to have a raid ready setup; have flasks, pots, other consumables, DBM or Deus Vox up and ready, mic plugged into vent--if you want to run current tier 25's, these things are a necessity.
• DPS/HPS/AVOIDANCE-- if you're in full T9 and only pulling 2k dps in heroics, there's a problem here. Figure it out. Similarly, the mana pool and healing throughput for ICC25 requires gear to be on par for the raid level. If you're having mana issues, gear up. Tanks, the more health and mitigation you have the better. If you're wanting to tank with an avg gear score of ilvl 219-- you need to gear up more.

You basically need to prove yourself. An invite to Sated doesn't equate to a raiding spot. Show me that you're dedicated, that you can follow direction, that you have what it takes to succeed. You want your gear to rival the server's best; then act like the server's best. Be on and ready to go 15 minutes ahead of schedule. Think another heroic run might be cuttin it close? Opt out of the heroic, and take a few minutes to read up on the encounters, strats, watch the vids, etc.

The difference between casual and cutting-edge raiding:

Dedication, Consistency, Communication, Resiliency.

As a GM I'm looking for a group that is skilled, dedicated, and consistent. If you can meet these requirements, you just might make the cut.

Meme? WTF is a Meme???

Ok Arioch, I'll bite (byte?).
I guess this thing's like a chain-letter, and since I fucked up the video-capture in ICC last night, I don't have much else to do today. I did manage to record Saurfang though =p
That vid should be up soon...


1. How long have you been blogging? What made you start? Who inspired you?
My first post went live on Aprill 22, 2009--I originally got into it as a way to showcase raid information, talk strats, basically keep my guildmates informed. Up until that time, there were only 2 blogs that I checked daily: WoW Insider, and skeletonjack. I wanted to do something fun, display some info, and maybe spark some conversation with peeps that love to play the game, outside of azeroth.

2. About how many hours a week would you estimate you spend on your blog?
Maybe a couple. I actually spend more time looking for ways to enhance the look and feel of it; the architecture. As far as the posts are concerned, I'm really an "off-the-cusp" kinda guy. Sometimes I have something to talk about, sometimes I don't. I go in, write the post, publish, and proof it after its already up. =p

3. What kind of experience or background do you have with writing?
Other than countless philosophy papers--absolutely none. Does it show?

4. Talk about how you come up with blog topics. Where do you get your ideas? What or who inspires you? Where and/or how do your brainstorming?
Most of my topics come up during the course of play the night before. Some are spurred by conversations with guildies and friends, and very rarely some ideas do originate from other bloggers. I like to discuss issues that are at the forefront of my mind--funny things that happen in game, ways to better yourself as a player, frustrations I'm having, things I want to know more about; and on the flip side, things I want other people to know about. There's really not a whole lot of brainstorming. I just let the shit flow naturally.

5. Do you have any blogging rules or guidelines you follow? Is there anything you will not blog about?
A gentleman never kisses and tells...I on the other hand would broadcast that shit American Pie style if I had the chance. I guess it's just been a while.

6. Do you have any sort of a publishing schedule in terms of day of week or topic? Where do you do your writing?
I like to try to publish 3-4 times a week. Actually, I'd really like to publish something daily, but often I'm either preoccupied with actual work, or just don't have a topic for discussion. Don't tell anyone, but I usually do my writing from work, shhh..... I'm writing this post from work. Right now. Really.

7. How many drafts of potential blog posts do you have right now? In what medium do you draft your posts? How often do you completely scratch or delete drafts or blog post ideas?

Here's a  fun one to answer: None. Nada. Zilch. Nil. I have absolutely no items in draft. I'm not that clever. And, I think I've only ever deleted 1 post that I was working on. And that was because I was just being lazy. lol

8. If you had to leave your blog in your will to another blogger, who would you choose? To ask this in a slightly less morbid way, are there other blogs that you feel are similar to yours in content, style, or voice?
Eh. Who would really want this anyway? Chances are, before I kicked the bucket, I'd redirect the domains to someplace of my choosing. *Ahem...*
That just happened!

9. Has anything surprised you since you started blogging?
The number of people that find the blog and engage in it. It's a cool feeling to have people other than guildies send me an email, or seek me out in-game, to reference it. Oh, and the number of bloggers out there that are genuinely entertaining. I've come across a lot. I'm actually reading more now than when I was in school.

10. What are your goals or plans for your blog going forward? Any specific goals or plans for your blog in 2010?
I'd like to incorporate it more into the guild site that has yet to be...well...finished. I'd like to get more people involved in it also--maybe find a way to contribute topic ideas, etc.
I wanna go fast!

Tier-Gear Attunement

Let's get something straight before you dive in and rip me a new one. I'm not elitist. I consider myself far from it, actually--and anyone who has been on one of my successful Ony-25 one-shots (w/ players in greens and blues) knows it.

That being said...

I don't think I like the way T9, ilvl 232 gear has become patch 3.3's quest blues. Actually, I know I don't.

You're probably asking yourselves, "why?" Right? There are sooo many pros to it...easier to gear alt's, don't have to worry about winning rolls, yada yada yada--yeah, I like these aspects of the system, too.

But I hate it. And here's why::

The distinction between raiders and casuals has become too blurred. Normally, I wouldn't care. However, I just don't see ICC being forgiving enough to accomodate players that don't quite make the cut. Deathwhisper requires competent dps to get adds and mana shield down, and an avg of 4.5k is absolutely necessary to best Saurfang...

Tier 7 was money; you saw a player in Tier gear you knew they had the chops to best patchy, the horsemen, KT. Now, everyones runnin' around with tier gear, and it's troublesome to get a raid going and see a player 5/5 T9 struggling to break 2.5k.

Here's my solution: Attunement.

Create a weekly raid for the current tier of content. Example: Create a quest chain to go in and kill Saurfang. Make the reward an attunement token--not necessarily something that can be redeemed, but that will grant you access to purchase Tier gear (like reputation unlocking a quartermaster). This way, when you see someone running around with Tier pieces, you know they had to work for it: they've passed a "bar" of sorts.

Then, when you're making a raid sometime later, you don't have to /facepalm yourself over and over because a player is completely underwhelming you.

=)

How the battered hilt creates morons....

Yesterday, Di and I queue'd up for the daily random heroic, and scored PoS.

A Pally Tank, Sham, and rogue met Di and I as we zoned in--their gearscores hovering right around the 4500 mark. We buff, wait for Sylvana's spiel, and wait....

Where's the tank?

(He/She/Shim had made a B-Line to the left, pulling skeletons)

"Hey, whaddya doin?"

He wants to farm the hilt.

It doesn't drop there.

I politely inform him of the change to the hilt droprate/location.

He keeps pulling.

I don't have time or patience for this shit.

"Seriously--the hilt doesn't drop there...read the notes."

Tank gets pissed (pretty sure he rides a short bus) and leaves. First Failadin I've seen in a while.

Tanks don't need the hilt. Period. Go farm some dailies.

Thankfully Sin logged on--so I pulled him in to finish.


Blue Post regarding the hilt:
In light of this change, we are also removing the chance for the Battered Hilt or any other epic item to drop from the Skeletal Slaves in the Pit of Saron. The need to “farm” these creatures for the Battered Hilt should be reduced by our first in-game fix and will no longer result in a chance for epic loot or Battered Hilts.

See more blue posts here

DPS Check: Deathbringer Saurfang

After 12 wipes over the course of 3 days, and roughly 4 different theories tested... we finally downed Saurfang.

2 Tanks, 2 Heals, 6 dps--we had ranged burn down the blood creatures at spawn, using chains of ice, and frost traps to slow them down. We got him to about 35% before his buff spilled over and put his mark on one of our hunters. The hunter went down, but Saurfang was never able to land enough hits to place another mark on anyone else.

The key to this fight is having some amazing ranged dps. They have to be quick enough to kill the beasts and get back on the boss before the next batch spawns; think Deathwhisper on steroids.



Congrats to: Richet, Stinky, Buick, Nebit, Coop, Aldo, Raydric, Vic, & Grok. Good job guys!   =)

"We Just Need to Execute..."

These were words spoken by newly appointed B of A-CEO Brian Moynihan, about the company's strategic vision...

These words echoed in my head all last night.

25 Icecrown. Wiped so much the trash respawned. First attempt went to 15%.


At this point, the strats have been theorized, tested, evaluated, re-evaluated.

It's time to go to mother$%*!ing work.

....See Post Below....

Week 2 in the Citadel

Last night was our second venture into ICC-10. Last night was the second time I caught an upgrade because Buick was generous...I think he's starting to feel sorry for me at this point. Nevertheless, I'm sitting just shy of 2k strength unbuffed, and it feels (in Borat voice) very nice.

The group I took with me this time was a tad different from last time. And we had a few that hadn't been before. Last nights makeup:

Warrior, Druid Tanks / feral, 2x DKs (3 melee) / Pally, Tree, Sham Heals.

Had to alter the previous strat to Marrowgar since we lacked the 3rd ranged dps. But that proved to be ok. Deathwhisper is a bit of a pain with 2 ranged dps. It's do-able, but much easier with 3 ranged. 3 seem to burn adds faster and switch back more quickly to mana shield. The gunship fight really doesn't matter-- although we did find that healers could just step to the edge of Orgrim's Hammer and heal the tank from across the void. Takes another variable out of play on that one. On Saurfang, 3 ranged dps proves invaluable--So moral of the story, choose group composition wisely grasshopper.

What I have been noticing more and more, is that as the fights progress, there's less and less compensating that you can do. Everyone needs to know what they're doing, and stick to the plan to succeed. And while that's a good mantra to raid by anyway, it's definitely true to form by the time you hit Deathwhisper.

On Marrowgar, if someone slacks on breaking the huge icicle, buick or I can run over and save 'em. No big deal. On Deathwhisper, if someone's spending too much time on the shield, then adds don't drop quickly enough for the other dps to get at the shield before the next wave comes. The fight becomes problematic. Especially when you're having to work against the whole physical-immune or magic-immune thing. Everyone needs to know what their role is, and be on their game--only deviating from the plan when it is absolutely, the only way out.

Remember kids, execution is key =)

So what did we learn today?

1. Create a Group Comp. that will suport your strategy with ease
2. Lay out roles for your players--make sure they know what they're doing
3. Execute said plan with navy seal precision
4. /pure win

Shout! Shout!

Let it all out. These are the things....well....err..you get the idea.

The Tears for Fears impromptu vent concerto is just one more of the many reasons to venture into the Ice Crown Citadel. And, if you've been, you probably know why. Trash is epically (sp?) fun. More so than Naxx used to be. And the overall feeling of the place--has more meaning I think. You've got the Ashen Verdict running around the place. It really feels solid.

Last night we went in with a mission, and pwn'd face in ways only Ash can describe. After 2 months of losing rolls to Buick, he finally threw me a bone and let me walk out with the Citadel's Claymore, which means I finally tossed out that hunter sword I was using. I rolled an 8 against him btw. He rolled a 67. Whatev. He gave it to me, I'm happy.

Anyway, we stumbled around a little bit in there--adjusting strats to suit our group. I wanted to impart a little bit of knowledge on ya'll, just to make it a wee bit easier.

Our 10-man Composition:

Druid, Warrior Tanks/ 2 Melee 3 Ranged DPS/ Druid, Priest, Shaman Heals

Marrowgar
Burn Marrowgar. Bust player impales. Stop DPS before aggro dump. Repeat.
The fight mechanics themselves aren't too difficult--just remember the nuances of the fight and you'll be ok. I basically paired a healer and ranged DPS together, they spread 15 yds from eachother around the semi-circle in the room, tanks and melee in the center. This is so ranged can beak an impale of the healer next to them, and another group is close enough to do the same. Tanks need to be butt buddies on this one--and always move together. Remember he drops aggro after bonestorm, so DPS needs to stop and wait for tanks. If the tanks aren't close enough to eachother when one is picking him up, its game over. During Bonestorm, ranged just needs to stand where they are and take the whirlwind damage (they have a healer right next to them). Rinse and repeat =)

Lady Deathwhisper
Burn mana shield and adds. Focus Fire Sloth. Burn Deathwhisper. Interrupt frostbolt cast.
Group in the center of the circle. Tanks will split off to different sides of the room to aggro adds as they spawn. We Bloodlusted at the beginning, and all dps had a good 10 seconds to blow CD's and get to work. I had all dps burn adds quickly, and work on the mana shield during the downtime. She doesn't even come close to the 10 minute enrage this way. Adds after they're resurrected will get a shield that needs to be burned through, and occasionally Deathwhisper will turn an add into Sloth from the Goonies. Don't try to tank it, kite it and have ranged focus fire it down. Drop mana shield to 1 or 2 %, then when all adds are down, break it and have tanks pick it up. Burn her and interrupt all her casts. She casts on a nearly exact timer with mind freeze.

Gunship Battle (I'm on a Boat!!!)
Melee man cannons. Spam 1 then use 2. Kill the Frost Mage. Repeat.
Some strats tell you to split the raid and kite Bronzebeard on the Alli ship for the duration of the fight-- THIS IS RETARDED (Dee duh Dee) and highly unnecessary. Have melee on cannons DPSing the Alli ship--when the frost mage comes out (every 25%), the melee will be kicked from their frozen cannons. Have the 2 melee, a tank, and healer RocketJump to the Alli ship-- Tank kites Bronzy while the melee kills the mage. Takes 10 seconds. Once mage is down, jump back to horde ship, and get back on cannons. Rinse and repeat. Ranged dps a tank and 2 heals stay on horde ship and take down adds. EZ mode.


It was pretty late by the time we made it to Saurfang. He's the only one we weren't able to get down. I think the strat is gonna look something like this, though: Ranged at max range, Tank and melee stop dps at creature spawn, Ranged snare and dps the blood creatures. Got him to about 40%--but will definitely have him down either tonight or tomorrow.

Happy Hunting

There is NO Muthafucking SANTA CLAUS

I was wondering why I wasn't seeing bigger numbers. I coulda swore that shit was better tues night....I'm going back Blood.

Death Knight Forums via Ghostcrawler

Reasons behind the Scourge Strike nerf:
Players have made several requests for more explanation on the Scourge Strike nerf. I tried to find a post to respond to, but the ones I found were very angry and I didn't feel like a response in there was going to do anything to discourage more angry posts. So I'll just do it here.We initially started mucking around with Scourge Strike based on numerous requests and complaints from Unholy DKs that their talented strike wasn't very appealing. At the time a lot of Unholy DKs were just using Obliterate instead, especially in PvE. Their logic made a lot of sense. It's obvious that the tree is built around Scourge Strike to some extent. There are many talents that are less interesting without Scourge Strike.

Side note 1: *You* personally may have been happy with Scourge Strike as it was. We don't take a public vote on these things. When players make a lot of sense, the designers sit down and discuss whether we agree with them and whether than warrants any changes. In this case we thought it did.

Side note 2: We have a design law around the office, named for one of the designers here, that anything overpowered is fun. There was a time when Scourge Strike hit for silly numbers. Many DKs knew it did too much damage. Others were nostalgic for that day, perhaps even subconsciously. I've read several times before something else that makes a lot of sense: too many DKs want a class that hits as often as a rogue but hits as hard as a warrior. You can see the problem there. As long as DKs do so much spell and disease damage, their strikes can't hit for really big numbers. (If you don't care about spells and disease damage, then you're probably playing the wrong class.)

In any event, we tried a lot of different things with the talent. You can probably find my old posts. There were many, which makes these claims that DKs were ignored ring a little hollow. We couldn't make it just hit as hard as a physical swing since it completely ignored armor. The problem was that in a raid environment in which armor was routinely sundered / exposed or otherwise bypassed, Scourge Strike's smaller base damage fell short. Again, you can find more detail in older posts.

That's why we came upon the answer of letting Scourge Strike do half physical damage. Half of the attack would respect armor (and therefore sundered armor as well) but the other half could still benefit from all of the DK abilities that improve Shadow damage. As a side bonus, this made the armor penetration on so much of the dps plate slightly more attractive to Unholy DKs. Players argued that this made the ability less interesting or even compromised. We understood the logic there, so we tried to let the physical and Shadow portions crit separately. We knew there was a risk of it feeling too RNG, and some players brought up that risk. But remember we were still trying to solve two other problems (SS needs to hit hard and not be boring) so we decided to try it anyway.

The parses that came out of the PTR weren't too bad. There were some big hits of course, but they didn't happen too often and in PvP the damage didn't seem out of control. Remember though, our PTRs are voluntary. We get some great players trying things out and sending feedback, which is awesome and much appreciated. We have great internal testers who beat on the raid encounters over and over again before they're ready to go public. But none of that testing compares to the flood of data we get the day something goes live. The handful of Icecrown raid parses grew by thousands over night, and many of those had Unholy DKs doing much higher damage than was warranted. Go check out any parse by a decent guild for the Icecrown raid. Once you skip over all the Mutilate rogues, there are all the Unholy DKs.Maybe in retrospect we made a mistake messing with Scourge Strike at all. Maybe a superior solution would have been to let some Unholy DKs just migrate over to Obliterate or whatever. Just remember as passionately as you feel about things now, many DKs felt just as passionately back then when they urged us to reconsider Scourge Strike. As another designer commented recently "You rarely see indifferent players come to the forums to post their indifference.

"Will it stay this way for long? It's too early to tell. This implementation has a chance of working out, but we also want to see the Icecrown hard modes start up as well as the new Arena season kick in.

One Word. Gunship.

Getting on a boat: 1 Woot.
Getting on a boat in the air: 2 Woots.
Fighting Alli's on said airboat: 3 Woots.

Seeing rockets attached to Stinky's ass: Priceless

Patch 3.3 First Impressions

I don't really have any first impressions for 3.3.

I was stuck on the loading screen for HoR for like... I dunno.. 2 hours.

Actually, after the dust settled, I was able to run through the new 5 mans--which are definitely a breath of fresh air from the other WotLK heroics. And, I have to say, the live versions feel so much better than the ptr. Trash is a little more epic, and by the time you get to HoR, you're screaming for more.

The Quel'delar hilt dropped for just about everyone but me (I rolled a 1)--and I'm told that the quest line is good fun. For now, I'm still stuck with my huntard-sword =(

Did some random heroics with the new LFG interface. Two words: Fricken amazing.

Late last night stepped into the ICC-10: Trash is muh-tha-fuckin epic. A definite DPS check. And, there's a whole room full of that shit. Tried Marrowgar a couple of times, but it was late, and we just weren't in the groove. We'll head back in tonight for some more action.

The Real "Winners"

Before I delve into the actual content of this post (as if there really was content), let me preface by saying, I give mad props to anyone willing to start pugging an entire 25 ToC on our realm. Really. It's work. One of my guildies can't make raid during the weeknights because of his ultra-early service regiment. So, he does the best he can to jump into things on the weekends. This weekend, it happened to be 25 ToC.

I wasn't involved in the initial offering of the group--but his pug, with no vent, one-shotted the beasts, 2 shotted jaraxis, and made a couple attempts at the champs. It started falling apart here.
There were 6 or 7 spots open, so he turns to guildchat to find some more. I coerce some of the geared players, and we jump in to help. I post up the vent info, and he asks me to talk strategy to the raid.

Cue the winners:

Winner#1-- 4300 Gearscored DK who says he doesn't need to get in vent cause he knows the fight.
I say, "really? Explain your role." No Response.

/rw Get in vent if you want to roll on loot

ding.ding.ding.

DK Leaves. 1 wannabe raider down.

So I pair people up for CC cycles. We have enough CC in the raid to legitimately make this easy. couple locks, couple mages, couple boomkins...right? Wrong.

Pull the shammy to start the fight. No one interrupts but me. He heals. He heals. Others are running rampant, CC appears non-existent. Wipe.

Try #2. Go over pairings again, reiterate single target dps, get a good feeling and....same shit. This time I noticed a ret-failadin consecrating over all the CC'd mobs. /facepalm.

Cue "Winners" #2,3,4,5,6,

Winner#2--Says something about splitting the raid up to dps multiple targets. I ignore him.
Winner#3--wants to put a tank and healer into each group and all take on different targets. He's done this before, he assures me it'll work. I'm somewhat amazed that his group took 5 tanks to 25 toc. I actually call him retarded over vent.
Winners#4,5,6-- Decide they want to blame the wipe on me--because although I'm topping dps chart, and have done the fights one handed before (true story), apparently I'm a fail leader.

I wished them luck, left the raid, and kicked them from my vent.

Moral of the story: There are soooooo many "winners" out there that we can learn from. Remember, "winners" are like you and me....but better. So we should definitely listen and take heed to their ingenious, cutting-edge strategies. Who needs vent??!! If they say we can do without, by all means, vent is probably just a waste of RAM anyway. The next time you run 25 ToC, be smart about it. Get 5 tanks in there so when you hit the champs its smooth sailing...

Drumroll Please.... 3.3 DK DPS Spec's

(Revised just for Ari=)

With 3.3 around the corner, I thought I'd lay this out for all you DK's out there. Scourge strike is back with a vengeance, and the new loot in 3.3 will make it easier than ever to make sure you're stat-weighted the way you want it =)

Let's dive in, shall we?

Unholy 17/0/54
This is a good time for us guys...so make me proud =p
Keep your 4 pc of T9 until you've accumulated 2 pc T10.
Pop your army 2x as much, watch boneshield at that 5 min mark.

Single Target:
PS-IT-BS-BS-SS-DC-HoW
SS-DC-SS-SS-DC
(Repeat!)

Stat weights (after hit/expertise cap): Str>Crit>ArP


Blood 51/0/20-- Same as 3.2

Single Target:
PS-IT-HS-HS-DS-Dump
DS-HSx4

Stat weights (after hit/expertise cap): Str>ArP

Glory to the Hero. Shyste be Thy Name...

I am a Golden God. No, really. Ask anyone.

So we're (the guild) is toolin' around Dal on Tuesday night after a round of Ony-10's, when Jango asks about doing some OCC achieves. I con a few others into joining us and...

BAM!
I haven't attempted that in months. Wasn't too painfully difficult this go round. That achievement left one outstanding on my quest to immortality the Red Proto:


BAM!
First attempt. Last night. One cast. We went in with a mission, and made it look easier than...well...Whoapaw (he's really slutty easy).

GOLDEN GOD/ P I M P Status

The Alienware Debacle: From M17 Stuttering to Just Under the CEO

For those of you following my little WoW blog over the past couple of months, you've inevitably seen a post or two concerning the problem I've been facing with my Alienware M17--that I just received in September.

Now, playing on this machine is a far cry from the 11" macbook that I levelled on. With Crossfire disabled, one HD4850 along with the quad-core handle Dalaran at full load at about 50-60 fps.


The Issue
At first, the audio/video stuttering was very infrequent--happening once a week for the first month. Friends had thought that it might be a memory leak associated with Vista's sidebar. After that first month though, the problem became progressively worse, and now its a nightly occurence.

Internet research points to a number of possible causes, and traces the stuttering back to quad-core only rigs (apparently core 2 duo machines don't suffer from it). The most widely-accepted cause is heat related; the heatsink on the quad isn't adequate without some sort of aftermarket compound--some modders even going so far as to creating a copper shim to dissipate heat even further.

Whatever the problem may be, the one thing it should not be, is present in a Brand New Alienware M17 gaming rig.

The Solution: Or Lack Thereof
Over the course of a week, I spent 4 nights and 12 hours with different AW Tech's remotely controlling my M17; testing, reinstalling, flashing, etc. The results of all these tests was that the machine was running too hot. On the 4th night of said tests, at approximately the 12th or 13th hour of remote access, I was given an RMA number, and a return address label.

For 4 weeks my NEW M17 sat at their repair facility. I called after week one because I hadn't heard anything. Was told that it successfully endured the trip there--but no notes could be found on it. Only after I explained the issue did the Tech say that they would check heatsinks and temps, blah blah blah. Called on week 2 to find the prognosis: nothing. Not that they hadn't found anything, but that they didn't know where my machine was, and didn't have any notes. After an hour long wait, it was decided that my M17 was now en route to another facility in Florida. Third call on week 3 lead me to believe that they were replacing heatsinks and video cards...cause that's what the guy on the phone said. But then I got an interesting email. It was a request for more info, because they could not replicate the problem. I immediately called in to provide support, and although the sender of said email could not be located, another Tech took down my information.

Later that week, I received the M17, unannounced, along with a work related shipment. Inside was a note, detailing the work they did.

Alienware did Nothing.

So I started calling.

I didn't pay $2700 for a gaming rig that has audio/video stuttering. Thats ridiculous. What's worse, is that they did nothing to fix it. 4 weeks. 4 weeks it was at their repair facility, and they did absolutely nothing. I don't think that Alienware has any way to track customer relationships; what I mean is, the average length of time it takes any Tech to find out any information for you: 35 mins (after 30 minutes of waiting before anyone answers). Its like they physically walk down to the lab, look for a machine with your name on it, and read the sticky note attached...

I request a replacement or a refund. I'm cited a 30 day return policy by 3 or 4 people. I guess they have a very long chain of command. It takes me basically chewing some guy out to get an "escalated response."

It takes a few days, but here's what I get:

"My name is Charles Mamakos and I work for Alienware’s Critical Issues Department. I am contacting you regarding the issue your system is experiencing. I would like to offer you a VIP repair as well as expedite shipping. This repair would have the system go to our repair facility and moved to the top of the repair queue. Once repairs are complete I would have the system shipped to me here in our Miami HQ so that I may personally inspect the repairs and thoroughly test the system. If I find any fault with the system I would personally correct this issue before shipping it back to you. "

I try calling. No answer. I leave a voicemail. I get no call back. I respond via email:

"Charles

Thank you for your response in this matter-- I left a voicemail for you yesterday (Tues 23rd), but understand you must be busy.

Thank you for your offer for a "VIP" repair, but at this junction, that is simply not enough. Your technical advisors have spent more than 15 hours testing, reinstalling and troubleshooting software remotely, and had a month to diagnose and correct the issue. This was not done. Actually, nothing was done (as stated on the note that arrived with my machine). And, on top of my M17 not being fixed or re-certified, each member of your support team had a different story to tell me when questioned about its status during its month-long stay. I purchased from Alienware because of its reputation--but after this experience, it will be easy for me not to recommend the company to anyone. I have never experienced worse customer service from any major retailer.

The fact of the matter is, the M17 I purchased is faulty. The problem first occured within the first 30 days of my taking receipt of the M17--and after countless attempts to fix it, it is still having its moments of adio/video stuttering. At this point, I am seeking restitution in the form of a new, comparable replacement (since the M17 is no longer purchasable on your website), or a full refund. I personally don't think that's too much to ask.

If you, yourself are incapable of rectifying this matter, please forward this email to someone that can."

The Nut-flexing(testacles) ensues:

"Hello again,
Your only option at this point would be to have the system brought in for repair. I understand that the system is still very new but this is the only option available.

You have reached the highest level of customer support available. I work under the office of the CEO.

Please let me know if you would like to proceed in this manner.
Thank you"

Really?

Apparently I've reached the pinnacle of Alienware's Customer Support, which just happens to be, well....none.

The shit part about this is, is that it's not only happening to me. There are others out there experiencing the same negligible "customer support" from this company. The stuttering issue is all over the internet--from forums to blog posts, many people experiencing this issue and having their computers returned to them, only to find that nothing had been repaired.

I have one thing to say about it. It's a known issue. It's happening to hundreds (if not thousands) of people. Something is poorly designed, and its fucking up. All over the place. Take a stand for what your name used to stand for, and make things right with all of us. As a retail banker, I understand the importance of customer relationships--and I refuse to sit idly by and let this douchebaggery commence.

Fix it.

[Fast Forward to 3 minutes in...]